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Author Topic: The Horizon  (Read 2844 times)

Offline Adi

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The Horizon
« on: February 19, 2011, 02:50:35 pm »
 
So, I haven't written anything for a rly long time, but my mind has been full of things lately and it seems that I never can get to a place to get them down before I lose them. Without the means to remove all of the random thoughts, it's been eating at me the way it did back when I wrote the poems about L4D. They just won't leave me alone. So this morning I finally was able to grab my laptop and get this down. Some things were lost along the way, and it is all unedited. I am not a rough draft kind of person. It is not so much literal as it is figurative..so to speak. So no need for  :holyshit: . I hope you like it. I'm thinking about giving it to my Lit teacher to see what she thinks  :nailbitter:

The Horizon

In the beginning there is always that first word, that one that starts things into motion. It is never easy to find and though in thought it flows naturally, it can almost never be reclaimed when the memory is retraced. So where I began I simply do not recall. Only that I could not sleep and found myself sitting up in bed, lost inside of my own thoughts.

            He said he could not sleep in kind to my own like words. I knew better and so I slipped away, out of the room, to collect my composure where he could not hear. When I returned, as I expected, he was away in heavy breath and stillness. I did not attempt to follow him there, but sat instead upon the bed and felt his warm breath on my leg as I began to slip away in thought. I wished to go and so I went, lost in the blurred lines of the bamboo blinds covering the suns attempt to wake the world it shined upon.

            And so I left and drifted away to the shore, feeling the sand beneath my feet. There was no degree of warmth I could settle my mind upon and the sense of the wind blowing through my hair nearly made me wish to feel the real thing: but only so very slightly. I stood there on the place where the tide ebbed and flowed, back and forth hypnotically like the soft slow beat of my heart. I pushed the sun away again, imprisoning it against its will to smile down on me from the bluest of blue skies. I conjured up layer upon layer of clouds to keep it far from reach. The bluest blue sky melted away into grey and the water became cold below my feet and I began to feel at home.

            I stood there for what seemed like forever, staring out at the blurred line of the horizon; the line between the here and there and reality and nothingness. I felt the ground tremble as he stirred beside me in the part where my body was still forced to stay. I saw the small boat with its tattered hull, and went to look upon it. It did not seem to be whole or strong and the wood was worn away and full of holes. I imagined how it must have been when it was built: Beautiful, and sleek, and with purpose and a lust to do what it was created to do. I ran my hands along its rough edges and felt its splinters pierce my skin. I felt its sorrow, as blood trickled down its broken planks: The red the only color in this place I had made. I mourned for its loss of use and stepped inside of it and rested upon its splintered bench. I slipped further into a dream within a dream and began to drift out to sea. I could feel the rise and fall of the ocean. It nearly pulled me back to my bed and that place upon his chest where I could feel the same, where there was warmth and comfort, but the sun was still trying to creep into that space and I withdrew back into my dream for fear it might finally find me.

            I sat there in that wretched boat, with its broken pieces sealed with the red of my blood. As it became stronger, I became weaker, from all of the wounds it had caused me. It drifted further and further out to sea, longingly reaching for the horizon. I could feel it pushing through the waves, fighting against them, straining its very being. I looked upon the surface of the sea and heard it calling me in. I did not want to go, its most certain desire to devour me whole pushed me back even further into the tiny boat. I began to shiver with fear as the hazy line of the horizon began to feel frighteningly close at hand. What would happen when we reached its end? Would the here and there fall away; would I slip between the two and be lost there forever? And as if my fears had seeped into the boat itself, I felt it began to lose its force. When the blurred line began to sharpen, and its dark sharp edges began to open up like ravenous teeth, the current began to turn. My heart raced with the pace of the waves, as they fought the pull of that terrible place; that place where there is no need for clouds to hide away the sun because it does not live there at all. And somewhere I felt a sense of warmth and I cut myself deeper to fortify the boat and make it stronger. I brought the wind and pushed away at the layers of clouds wishing to feel the warmth that somewhere touched a part of my body. I fought and bled and pushed through the coldness that had been pulling me so far away. I could feel the sun fighting as I did, yearning to be purposeful and loved. I could now see the shore as the waves continued to cut at the boat, ripping at it causing it more and more damage the harder it pushed its way to land. To the place in the sand where it was what it was, satisfied with its age and its tragedies. Pleased with all those it had carried along its life when it was new and sturdy. At peace resting in the warmth of the suns comforting and loving embrace. I felt shame for my foolishness, believing in my dream that it could not be happy as it was. Again I fought the clouds, pushing them away layer by layer until I suddenly realized that I was finally still again. The shore laid there before me and I felt such relief for the boat as I pulled it out of the ocean with all of the strength I could find. I set it back upon the place where I had found it, just as the last cloud drifted away and freed the sun. I turned and walked away from the boat, left in its peaceful slip of sand and began to feel my body fill with heat. I felt a pull at my waist and the softest warm breeze on my neck.


            I opened my eyes then, and understood it all. His arm was wrapped around my waist and his sweet face was resting in the nape of my neck. The sun had found its way through the blinds and I knew then, I understood, that I belonged here. I understood that I would have to fight to stay away from that place between here and there, between the beginning and the end: That I didn’t have to bleed or stay in the dark. I had place in this world, where I could be at peace, where I could be proud of my tragedies, and triumphs. Where the sun would never cease to shine and keep me warm in the arms of the man who loved me most.



 
Just trying to survive

Offline FlaƧh

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Re: The Horizon
« Reply #1 on: February 19, 2011, 04:32:40 pm »
Adi, I wish I could go back in time just far enough so I could be in school when you become my English teacher :tongue: .
I've been waiting for you to muster something up since the L4D poems, which btw I want more of!!!! I bet your lit professor is gonna be overwhelmed with your super writing skills and just going to hand the class over to you.


Well done  :notworthy:
(00:29:00) Adi: i hate how this damn site times you out now like a freakin bank..

Offline Doyarite

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Re: The Horizon
« Reply #2 on: February 19, 2011, 05:25:20 pm »
Adi, I wish I could go back in time just far enough so I could be in school when you become my English teacher :tongue: .
I've been waiting for you to muster something up since the L4D poems, which btw I want more of!!!! I bet your lit professor is gonna be overwhelmed with your super writing skills and just going to hand the class over to you.


Well done  :notworthy:
you got a little brown stuff on your nose there..you might wanna wipe it off.  :biggrin:    jk    Well done adi...well done.  :bateyes:

Offline FlaƧh

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Re: The Horizon
« Reply #3 on: February 19, 2011, 05:48:19 pm »
you got a little brown stuff on your nose there..you might wanna wipe it off.  :biggrin:    jk    Well done adi...well done.  :bateyes:


I left that for you, when you're done wiping it off, get the jerk sauce off yer face too <3
(00:29:00) Adi: i hate how this damn site times you out now like a freakin bank..

Offline Doyarite

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Re: The Horizon
« Reply #4 on: February 19, 2011, 08:08:07 pm »
you got a little brown stuff on your nose there..you might wanna wipe it off.  :biggrin:    jk    Well done adi...well done.  :bateyes:


I left that for you, when you're done wiping it off, get the jerk sauce off yer face too <3
sure i'll wipe it off your nose...i got some sandpaper lying around here somewhere..hold on a minute...<3

Offline Some Random Dude

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Re: The Horizon
« Reply #5 on: February 19, 2011, 10:53:05 pm »
<33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

Beautiful. Period...

Then again, you already knew that :P

|Random|
[19:40] NeckFace: Pinkie cooks her food by screaming at it
[12:04] MSG_Pinkie: lol, my life is hax.
[16:36] ုMiss Jetty: im so hungry i could eat a carpet
[21:02] ုKelly087: im a girl its my job to PMS
ုKelly-087 - Halo! =0 says (9:16 PM): im only a canadian super pipsqueak


Offline Adi

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Re: The Horizon
« Reply #6 on: February 19, 2011, 11:11:23 pm »
Thank you Flashy, and Random...since you know the meaning behind all of it. It means a lot to always have you there to support me. I <3 you both..

and thanks Doya..errr..except for the derailment about brown nosing.. :emo:
Just trying to survive

Offline Doyarite

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Re: The Horizon
« Reply #7 on: February 19, 2011, 11:53:21 pm »
Thank you Flashy, and Random...since you know the meaning behind all of it. It means a lot to always have you there to support me. I <3 you both..

and thanks Doya..errr..except for the derailment about brown nosing.. :emo:
:heart:

Offline Adi

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Re: The Horizon
« Reply #8 on: February 20, 2011, 11:46:34 am »
Adi, I wish I could go back in time just far enough so I could be in school when you become my English teacher :tongue: .
I've been waiting for you to muster something up since the L4D poems, which btw I want more of!!!! I bet your lit professor is gonna be overwhelmed with your super writing skills and just going to hand the class over to you.


Well done  :notworthy:

And btw..I was rly exhausted when I responded to what you wrote last night..it was very late and I'd been out for several hours. I can't wait to become a teacher, for starters, another two and a half years seems like forever though. And FTR if you had been around to be in my class..I would have totally have made you stay after school allllll the time..lol  :bateyes:

Me and my Lit teacher are very similar, and tend to think a great deal alike. I've had her for three classes now, and she has got to be the best teacher I've ever had. It will make me terribly sad to not be able to be in her classes after this semester. I hope a day comes that my students might feel the same way about me  :blush:

And the L4D poems..lol...uh huh..I had the third one mostly written, but life took an abrupt turn and I couldn't get around to finishing it..you know I'd have to actually go back in and play to be able to finish it..like that's gonna happen anytime soon :P  And I honestly don't think anybody is rly interested in L4D anymore anyways which kinda makes them obsolete at best  :sadface:

Anyhow..thanks for the kudos..it meant a lot  :heart:
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Offline FlaƧh

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Re: The Horizon
« Reply #9 on: February 20, 2011, 03:16:44 pm »
And btw..I was rly exhausted when I responded to what you wrote last night..it was very late and I'd been out for several hours. I can't wait to become a teacher, for starters, another two and a half years seems like forever though. And FTR if you had been around to be in my class..I would have totally have made you stay after school allllll the time..lol  :bateyes:

Me and my Lit teacher are very similar, and tend to think a great deal alike. I've had her for three classes now, and she has got to be the best teacher I've ever had. It will make me terribly sad to not be able to be in her classes after this semester. I hope a day comes that my students might feel the same way about me  :blush:

And the L4D poems..lol...uh huh..I had the third one mostly written, but life took an abrupt turn and I couldn't get around to finishing it..you know I'd have to actually go back in and play to be able to finish it..like that's gonna happen anytime soon :P  And I honestly don't think anybody is rly interested in L4D anymore anyways which kinda makes them obsolete at best  :sadface:

Anyhow..thanks for the kudos..it meant a lot  :heart:


LMAO I used to have to stay after school a lot for English, Math and Science never, after all, English is my third language. Sucks though, all of my english teachers were old and boring, it would've been nice to have someone like you. I only remember having one gamer teacher for AP Bio, he used to bring in his xbox to play Halo after AP exams. You know we'd never actually work on my writing or anything, we'd just end up playing L4D on school computers  :tongue: .


Monkey and Silver still play L4D a lot, and so do Pinkie and Kelly, I tag along every now and then for old time's sake. Coincidentally, we end up with 4th public player; one of these days if your arms or fingers aren't killing you, you should come play with us, we will help you finish your poem(s). You haven't played in such a long time, going back to it might give you a unique perspective and some new ideas to write about.
(00:29:00) Adi: i hate how this damn site times you out now like a freakin bank..

Offline Pinkie

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Re: The Horizon
« Reply #10 on: February 20, 2011, 05:15:05 pm »
ADIII continue the L4D poems. Everyone would love it regardless if they play it still or not. I play it, Kelly plays it, and quite a few others play it from time to time.

Be my english teacher. D:
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